People were taken aback in 2016 by Prompto Argentum’s photography in Final Fantasy XV. His shots of Eos, which were mostly comprised of out of focus selfies or unflattering poses from the crew, were universally praised for how unashamedly mediocre they were. Where most photographers would process their images and retouch them to make them not shit, Prompto laid it all out for the world to see. When we asked why this was the case, Prompto replied:

Well, right from the getgo I knew that I was a robot and the stereotype that robots do everything perfectly really got to me. Like, we aren’t allowed to have imperfections, kind of like how video game developers aren’t allowed to callout gamers for being idiots. I figured I’d break that stereotype by being impressively bad at taking photos.

What Prompto didn’t realise is that while most people didn’t want see pictures of dirt or a blindingly bright sun, his unique approach to photography would see him labelled as the Picasso of photography but instead of being inspiring and revolutionary he’s just shit. Labels can be hard to shake too, and it seems these labels have affected his photography career. Struggling to find work, Prompto resorted to the only thing he knew how to do, take bad photos of his friends. It’s pretty well established that Ignis has a drinking problem (how else would you explain that ridiculous accent?) so Prompto used that to his advantage. Enabling Ignis’ drinking issues ended up casuing a lot of homoeroticism to come forth amongst the crew of pretty boys and that one guy who could grind meat on his abs and never buttons his shirts, and so Prompto would take photos of the raunchy business hapenning within the group. There was one problem, however. He couldn’t take a good photo.

I thought the idea was solid, but when push came to shove, I just could not do it. It’s not the sex part, you would not believe how many times we had an orgy with each other during FFXV, it was the fact that no matter how hard I tried all my photos were out of focus or there was blinding light coming from somewhere. This one really confuses me because the rooms were always really dark. Then it hit me – what if my primary directive is to be bad at photography? Then I would have been feeding into the stereotype that robots are really good at their jobs, no matter the task.

It was this realisation that really put a dent in Prompto’s demeanor, so when he got the call for reprising his role in Final Fantasy XV-2: The Beautiful Boys Strike Back he vowed to take photography lessons in the hopes that maybe, just maybe, ONE of his photos will turn out alright. Naturally, these lessons aren’t cheap so he has been selling some of his own merchandise to fund the lessons.

So in an effort to pay for my photography lessons, I’ve been selling my own Gamer Boy Battery Acid. I’m hoping the used batteries that I’ve been too lazy to throw away will be able to keep the supply ahead of the demand, at least for a while. Currently, I’ve sold one unit of battery acid to some guy who commented “so I can buy battery acid that’s been inside your body?” followed by some nervous looking emojis – so I’m halfway to reaching an eighth of the way to funding my first lesson!

Final Fantasy XV-2: The Beautiful Boys Strike Back is set to release within a century after the releases of Episode Aranea, Episode Noctis and Episode Luna. They’re also waiting for Hajime Tabata to return, so who knows what the fuck is going on.